Time for a True Confession?

I receive a question along this line several times each month, so I thought it would be beneficial for me to just “put it out there” in a newsletter in case anyone else is wrestling with the same dilemma...

Janice writes:
About five years ago I had an affair, and my husband and I have worked through it and many other issues in regards to sexual purity, etc. I have never told my daughters about it (I have three beautiful daughters, ages 23,19 & 17). I have an amazing relationship with all of them and I don't want that to change. Should I tell them about the affair and all the things that we've been through?

I feel that my husband and I have an important testimony to share with other couples and I sense God leading us in that direction, but I am so afraid to tell my girls! I don't want to hurt them. I can't use that testimony anywhere or with anyone unless my girls know because it might somehow get back to them, and I certainly don't want them to hear it from anyone else. What advise would you give?

Dearest Janice,
I completely understand your dilemma, and NO, you don't want your girls hearing about something like this through the grapevine. They deserve to hear it directly from you at a time when they can ask questions, or cry, or hug you, or however they want to respond. I think that because you have the gift of "hindsight" and have already overcome this experience, it will be much easier for them to handle than if you were still in the midst of it or struggling with whether your marriage will survive.

Approach your girls with a tender, humble, and positive spirit, showing them your excitement over what the Lord has done in your life & marriage. Explain that although your past mistake will take many by surprise and make some uncomfortable (including them), you feel called by God to share your testimony with others, and you can’t imagine not being obedient to that calling. Let them know that your motive isn’t to emotionally vomit on their laps, but to protect them from the pain that would come from hearing this information from any other source other than from your own mouth.

Let them ask all the questions they want about the testimony you’re wanting to share with the world, just so they can be clear as to what they can expect. Of course, don't go into any gory details of the affair itself (who, when, where, how, etc.). None of that is necessary information, and too much information (T.M.I.) will create "new trauma" for them that could be potentially harmful to your relationship. The only thing that needs confessing is the nature of the sin itself, so simply say something along the lines of, “I was unfaithful to your father five years ago,” or “I fell into an adulterous relationship in the past, but our marriage is still and will continue to be our #1 priority.”

Ask them to pray about allowing you to share your victory story publicly, with the focus being on the “redemption” you’ve experienced. Acknowledge that it really is a "family affair" (pardon the pun) to go public with such a thing, and you want their blessing. I hope they'll be as supportive as my husband and children have been of me!

So my advice? You go, girl! Rock the world with your testimony!

 Shocking Statistic...

Self magazine polled women asking if they have emailed or used their cell phone to send nude images of themselves. The results? A whopping 41% of women said YES!

Why are so many of us giving up our privacy? "These are sent in the heat of the moment, with no thought of the consequences. Technology makes it almost too easy," says Juile Albright, Ph.D., a sociologist at the University of Southern California in Los Angeles. But easy doesn't mean without risks. "I sent a photo of my chest to my boyfriend's cell when he was visiting his parents," said one participant. "Unfortunately, his dad picked up the phone and began scrolling through the photos. He figured out who sent it, and I haven't been able to look him in the eye ever since."

Moral of the story? THINK before you TEXT! If you wouldn’t want the rest of the world seeing that picture, don’t send it at all!

 Give the Gift of...

B.L.A.S.T. is the new mentorship program that Shannon started this past fall, but with a full class of over 40 students worldwide, we’ve decided to continue offering an online version of the class every 6 months (beginning each March and September). To read more about the program, click here for an informational brochure.

To request a B.L.A.S.T. Gift Certificate for any amount from $50 up to the full 12-month registration fee of $1,500, send an email to blast@shannonethridge.com and include the following:

• Giver’s Name & email address
• Recipient’s Name & email address
• Dollar Amount of Gift
• A Personal Note (up to 200 words) to include on the certificate

You will not be charged for the gift certificate until the person actually applies for the program and is accepted, so you’ve got nothing to lose!

Where did this idea come from? There’s a few in our current B.L.A.S.T. class whose spouse, parent, or friend offered to pay part (or all) of their registration fee, and of course they were deeply touched by the gesture! What a perfect way to say to a loved one, “I believe in you!”

Mark Your Calendars - Shannon Is Coming To...